The Road To Death
by Alviarin
Summary: Sam is in Hell. Dean is falling apart at the seams. He doesn't know how to keep the promises he made to his brother, but he does know how to hunt and how to fake happy. SLASH, M/M. Dean/Caz. Dean/OMC (only because he needed some lovin' lol) Please review, I'd love to know what people think! "To Hell and Back" Story Arc Book 1. *FIXED*
1. Lost

Sam was gone. Dean stared at the ground that had swallowed both his brothers and the Angels inhabiting their bodies. He kneeled there unmoving, not believing his eyes. This wasn't how it was supposed to end. His mind was screaming with the unfairness of it all while his chest just burned with pain. He'd sent Bobby home a few hours ago so that he could talk to Castiel, but the Angel hadn't stuck around for long. With his wings and grace back he was moving on to bigger and better things. Dean didn't want him to leave, but couldn't get the words out. How do you tell an Angel that you need him when you're Dean Winchester? The answer is that you don't. You let him leave and deal with all your shit on your own. The first drops of rain splattered his hand and the back of his neck. He knew he should get up, climb in the Impala and drive away, but he couldn't move; could hardly breathe, the pain was too much. It was worse than when he'd watched Sam die the first time. He had nothing to hold onto, no corpse to bury, nothing. Sam was just…gone. Tears streamed silently down his face and he clutched at the grass in front of him, ripping it aside to dig at the ground. Sammy. He had let him down the way only a big brother can. He sobbed clawing at the dirt. His brother, the baby he'd carried out of their burning home, was gone leaving nothing behind except pain. His brother was in hell, trapped there for eternity being ripped apart and violated each day only to find himself whole the next and have it start all over again. He'd beg for death, but it would never come. When he finally came off the racks he would start torturing others and slowly lose his humanity to become that which they hunted; to become one of the only things left in the world that scared Dean Winchester, a Demon.

This was all his fault. He was supposed to protect Sam, but instead he'd let him die. Die and go to the one place he shouldn't be, the one place Dean couldn't follow. He still dreamt about hell and woke up choking back screams of agony and fear. It was the one fate Dean couldn't save him from because he'd made a promise. Sam had looked at him with those large brown eyes of his, the ones that got Dean to cave in every time. He'd do anything for his brother and had proved it time and time again. Then Sam had asked him not to try to find a way to bring him back. He wanted Dean to move on, settle down with Lisa, and be happy. Making the promise had gone against every fiber of his being, but he hadn't been able to say no, not looking into those eyes. All he wanted now was for Sam to come back. He wanted to look up and see his brother standing there with that goofy grin on his face, shrug and say 'Just kidding.', but he knew it would never happen. Sam was gone and Dean would do anything to take his place. Every second Sam was there was a second too long and Dean felt as though his soul was being ripped apart. His whole world was crashing down around him.

It was pouring now, the rain soaking through his clothes to his skin, but he didn't care. The one thing, the one _person_, in his life that he loved no matter what, that he'd literally given everything, including his life, for, was gone and he wasn't coming back. He screamed in sudden anguish. Why was this happening? Hadn't he lost enough? Hadn't he given enough? Why did it have to be Sam, why did he have to lose his brother? The only family he had left. He'd gone to hell to bring him back to life the first time he'd died and now Sam was there after saving the fucking world. His brother had beaten the devil at his own game and would now burn for all eternity. He screamed until he couldn't anymore and collapsed to the ground, not caring as muddy water splashed over his face to mix with the tears. His entire body was shaking, but Dean couldn't be sure if it was from the cold or something else. He knew he should get up, but he couldn't leave Sam, couldn't leave the spot where he'd sacrificed his life to save a world that would never know what had happened here, never know the man who had given everything for a fate worse than death; so he just laid there. The rain stopped eventually, and his tears dried, but still he couldn't move, couldn't breathe. He'd died for Sam and he'd do anything to make that choice again, but he'd promised Sam. When he gave his word he never broke it, except that he had. He promised his father that he wouldn't let anything happen to Sam. Sam was his responsibility, had been since their mother died. He'd raised Sam and himself. Bang up job he'd done. Fresh tears slipped down his cheeks. He'd failed his father, again. Just like before. A tear dripped off his nose to splash on the ground that had become his brother's tomb.

After a while he slowly began to gather himself and climbed shakily to his feet. He would do his best to keep the promise he had made, but he knew that he'd only be able to honor half of it. He wouldn't look for a way to save Sam, but he didn't think he'd ever be happy again. Because as messed up as it sounds, he'd built his world around Sam. Ever since they were kids Dean had been taking care of him and protecting him. Sam had been all he had left in the world besides his car and even the Impala couldn't measure up. He'd give her up in a heartbeat just to see Sam again and sure he had Bobby and maybe even Lisa, but they couldn't fill the ever widening void he had inside. The emptiness that filled his soul. The complete nothingness that had been slowly taking over since facing Famine. He'd been holding it back for so long, but Sam had been the dam. The only thing between Dean and a bullet from his own gun. Now, though, he welcomed the emptiness, let the cold, black void wash over him like a tidal wave. It was better than the pain. It almost felt like an old friend welcoming him home with open arms and he knew. This was where his desires came to die. Everything he'd ever wanted and not acted upon had been pushed here where they slowly slipped away into oblivion leaving him feeling lost and empty, but he could handle those feelings. He'd lived with them his entire life and anything was better than the searing pain from before. Empty was who he was, who he had always been.

That's why he was so proud of Sam. The kid knew what he wanted and didn't let anyone stand in the way of his dreams. He questioned authority and had always been their Dad's favorite. Dean was just a soldier. Soldiers survived. Dean shook his head and walked to the Impala. He didn't know where he was going to go, but it couldn't be Bobby's. He couldn't face the man who had become like a father to him, God knew Bobby treated him like a son more than John Winchester ever had. He'd also gotten the man killed, sure Caz had fixed him with his new Angel mojo, but it still didn't change what had happened. He also knew that if he saw Bobby he'd break down again. Dean Winchester didn't break down. He suppressed all his feelings to the back of his mind. He put on a mask every day. A mask of witty retorts and snarky comments, fake smiles and false bravado. He showed his emotions to no one and never let them see his true self. Maybe that's why Caz had left. He frowned climbing into the driver's seat. No, Caz left because his family was calling him home. Dean looked around the Impala. She was the closest thing he had to a home. The only constant in his life, which was sad if one thought about it, but she was there for him and now she was the only thing he had left that really meant anything. She started up with a comforting roar as he turned the key. He slowly reversed out of the cemetery and didn't look back. He couldn't, otherwise he'd never be able to leave. He didn't know where he was going, nor did he care.

The music stayed off. He wasn't in the mood for what Sam always referred to as 'the greatest hits of mullet rock'. The thought almost made him smile. Almost. Mostly it just caused him to miss his brother more. That sweet, melancholy man who had been the only constant companion he had besides the Impala for the past five years. They had been through so much and for it to all end like this was more than Dean's fragile heart could bear, so he repressed it; like he did with everything. He drove for days without stopping for anything except gas, not caring where he was going, just driving. Taking all unfamiliar roads. When he finally did stop it was because he'd almost run off the road three times. It was a motel that looked well kept called The Comfy Cottage. He really had no idea where he was, not the state or city, the outskirts of a town. He didn't know what day of the week it was, or even the date. All he knew about the time was that it was late, and that was only because the sun was hanging low in the sky, just on the verge of setting. He parked and turned to his right to tell Sam to get the bags from the trunk, but the words died in his throat. The passenger seat was barren except for a couple of empty bottles of whiskey. The alcohol had been numbing his pain, but it came back full force staring at the leather seat where his brother should have been sitting. Angry tears burned his eyes and he climbed from the car, walking to the trunk. After popping it open he grabbed his duffle bag then walked into the motel's lobby to check in. He was going to drink himself into oblivion and sleep like the dead for as long as possible, then he'd figure out where he was going to go. He didn't want to dream that night, and even if he did he wouldn't remember them, which was what he wanted because he already knew what they'd be about. Sam.

The only person he saw in the lobby was an elderly woman sitting behind the counter knitting some god-awful purple monstrosity. She set it aside and looked up at him with a sweet, grandmotherly smile that quickly faded as her blue eyes took in his appearance. He hadn't showered or shaved since before losing Sam so he knew he was a mess. His bag was clutched loosely in his left hand and he knew he probably looked and smelled like a drunk, but he didn't really care, which seemed to be quickly becoming the theme of his life. "How may I help you young man?" She asked cautiously. Dean met her gaze wearily and caught sight of his reflection in a mirror over her shoulder. He looked worse than he thought. Not eating had hollowed out his cheeks and the rest of him looked weary and gaunt not to mention still covered in mud. He sighed.

"I need a room."

"How many beds?"

"Two-" He closed his eyes in pain. "One, a double if you've got it."

"We do. It's 30 dollars a night cash or credit, and the first night is paid up front." He nodded digging some money out of his pocket and handing over a twenty and a ten. She handed him a key. "You'll be in Suite 4 which is on your right as you walk out, and I just need you to sign the guest register." He took the key from a softly shaking hand and at first he thought it was from just being old, but after he signed a fake name in the book he looked up to see the fear in her eyes.

"Thanks." He whispered turning and trudging out.


	2. Adam

Marion Hendley watched the dirty man leave with a shudder. She didn't like the looks of him. He was trouble and she was not about to stay the night alone here in her motel. She picked up the phone and dialed a familiar number. After a few rings her son's voice came on the line half laughing out a hello. She winced, tonight was the first night he'd had off in a long time and he was probably out having fun with his friends.

"Adam, darling, it's me."

"Mom?" His voice was immediately serious and touched with concern. "What is it, are you ok?"

"Oh yes, sweetheart, I'm fine."

"You don't sound fine." Adam replied sternly. He knew her well.

"I'm just a bit spooked is all."

"What happened?"

"Oh, a man just checked in-"

"What did he do?" Her son's voice was tight and she almost laughed. He was a good boy.

"Nothing really, I-I just don't like the looks of him." She shuddered thinking of the strange man's empty, cold looking eyes and gaunt face. She stood and walked to the window in time to see the man freeze in his tracks. She inhaled sharply as he turned back towards the lobby thinking that he'd sensed her watching, but then noticed that his eyes were on the sign advertising all the great spots to hit in town. He'd gone even paler and was swaying on his feet. "I think there's something wrong with him." She whispered into the phone.

"I'll be there in 5." Adam hung up before she could tell him not to come and that she'd be fine, but she was already relaxing. Adam would be here to keep her company and that was better than anything she could get from the police. Her son was 33, 6 foot 4 and built like one of those UFC fighters she saw on TV. He'd gotten home a few months ago from his last deployment overseas and now that his military career was over he was looking for a job around town. She of course gave him one with her until he found something he liked better, and was enjoying the time she got to spend with her youngest son. He had two older brothers and a younger sister. Jared was 43, Andrew was 40, and Kara had just turned 30. They were all out living lives of their own and barely had time for their mother, all except Adam. He had come home and gotten a house in town not far from hers and if they didn't see each other everyday he at least called to check on her. She was glad he was out of the navy. The Special Forces were dangerous to be in and she was happy that he had come home in one piece. Sure he was a bit different, like the way he was attracted to men, but that didn't change the fact that he was her son. She loved him dearly and smiled as soon as his old beat up blue Jeep pulled into the parking lot.

* * *

Adam climbed out of his Jeep looking at the strange man standing in the lot staring at a sign. He was obviously the man his mother had been talking about. He could see her standing in the window, smiling at him. He was torn between going to her and approaching the freakishly dirty man, who was obviously insane, or just drunk. Suddenly the man's eyes were on him and Adam resisted the urge to shrink away. They were a beautiful green color, but that beauty was overpowered by the dull emptiness living in their depths. The man slowly turned away from him, shouldering his bag and unlocked suite four, disappearing inside. Adam rolled his shoulders to get rid of the creepy feeling that had settled there.

* * *

Dean dropped his bag on the bed and headed for the shower. The water pressure worked wonders on his muscles as did the extremely hot water, and he would have fallen asleep there if he hadn't been standing. It was a good idea that he had ignored the bathtub, which was rare to find in small motels like this. It was very clean, and very white, except for the flowery borders and light green towels. He figured the old woman probably owned the motel; it was too nice and well cared for, for it to be a chain, and it really appeared to be a suite. There was a bedroom and bathroom separate from a kitchen and living area. A lot of motels called their rooms suites, but this was the first one he'd seen that actually was one. It was decorated in light, sage-like greens and soft flower prints. Very old lady taste, but Dean wasn't about to complain. It was cheap, clean and comfortable.

After about an hour he climbed out of the shower and dried off, then wrapped the towel around his waist. He opened the duffle and frowned. He didn't fold his clothes when he put them back in his bag, then he realized that this wasn't his bag. Those were Sam's T-shirts and jeans. He lifted up one of the shirts and his senses were awash with what could only be described as Sam's smell. On impulse he held the shirt to his nose and breathed in deeply. Bad idea. His legs turned to water and he collapsed to the floor sobbing uncontrollably. All the guilt and pain he'd been suppressing broke through the walls and he was helpless against their assault. After a while he stood and went back to the bathroom with the shaving kit in Sam's bag. He wasn't going to cross the parking lot in just a towel to get his own, besides he always had used Sam's stuff, mostly just to annoy him the way only big brothers knew how. Once finished he looked in the mirror and tried a smile. It was easier than he thought it would be, but he'd had years of practice to perfect the fake smile so he wasn't all that surprised. He then took some scissors and trimmed his hair. Much better. His face still looked a little thin, and his stomach growled telling him why. He hadn't eaten for three days, let alone slept so after putting on some of Sam's clothes, that were much to large for him, he decided that it was as good as it was gonna get. He bagged up his dirty clothes and grabbed his keys. He needed food and a Laundromat. He had a feeling that all the clothes in his duffle were as dirty as the ones now in a plastic bag, dangling from his hand.

* * *

Adam sat outside the lobby watching the door of suite 4. He was leaning back on two legs and was not prepared for what came out of the suite. Catching himself on the window ledge before he could fall he sat and stared at what had to be the most gorgeous man he'd ever seen. He moved with the agile grace of a feline predator and had a face that Adam only saw in his wet dreams. He straightened in his chair as the man walked to the trunk of the classic black muscle car he'd arrived in and popped it open. He tossed a bag full of what was probably the gross clothes he came in then slammed it shut. The clothes he had on now looked sa bit too large for his small frame, which caused Adam to come to the conclusion that the strange, yet gorgeous man, must have lost some weight recently, but then again; that reasoning didn't explain the length of the jeans that were dragging on the ground and almost covering the man's boots. He couldn't have shrunk as well. As he came around to the driver's side door he finally noticed Adam sitting there. He flashed the ex-soldier one of the hottest smiles he'd seen and winked before climbing into the car. It roared to life with a sound that caused Adam's already bulging groin to twitch and he was left gaping after the gorgeous car and its even more gorgeous owner.

* * *

Dean snickered to himself slightly as he drove. Even starving to death he still had it. Now that he knew where he was he knew some good places to eat. Lawrence, Kansas had always had great restaurants. He wasn't thrilled about ending up where it had all started, but he was over the initial shock. He got some food and felt human again. After tipping the gorgeous waitress he went to the Laundromat and washed his clothes. Every gaze that lingered on him he noticed, and it was helping him get back into the rhythm of Dean Winchester: Hunter and Lover Extraordinaire, not Dean Winchester: Blubbering Baby. He still hurt over Sam, but he needed to at least try to get past the pain, otherwise he'd end up on the floor of some shitty motel room with a bullet from his favorite gun spreading his brains all over the carpet. It was going to be hard, but he had gotten over the death of his father, mostly due to Sam, and somehow he'd get past Sam's death as well. Or, he'd at least bury the pain under booze and sex. He knew he could get some, and without Caz hanging over his shoulder it would be a lot more fun, although that time he took the Angel to that strip club had been one of the best times of his life. He hadn't really laughed for a long time before that, and hadn't since.

He missed Caz now, shit. He got up angrily, stumbling on the hem of Sam's jeans that were ridiculously long on him, and grabbed his clothes from the dryer. He stalked back to the Impala ignoring the wolf whistles sent his way by a bunch of very inebriated women and drove back to the motel. Jeep guy was still sitting in his guard chair, his face softly illuminated by the glow from the window to his right. Dean parked in front of his suite and stretched as he climbed out, knowing full well how the shirt pulled up over his abs in a way that was going to give open-mouth guy over there a raging hard on. Dean wasn't opposed to love from other guys, hell he was in love with one himself, though he'd never really admit it, but he loved to mess with gay guys, especially ex-military ones. He could see navy special forces all over him, just like he could with his own father. He knew the look and the type. Obsessive. This guy wasn't going to be able to get Dean out of his head and the next morning he'd find the young hunter gone. He grinned maliciously as he turned the key and walked into the suite carrying his bag of clothes, and a few other essential items. The bottle of Jack was calling to him very loudly as was the bed. Jack won out and Dean was soon too drunk to care about anything. He passed out around three in the morning whispering Caz's name.

* * *

Adam jerked off that night. A cold shower couldn't get rid of the hardness in his groin, nor anything else he could think of and try without hurting himself. He crawled out of bed and went downstairs to the lobby so he could take over for his mother, who had obviously relaxed after seeing man in suite 4 all clean and fucking gorgeous. She had smiled at her son knowingly the previous night when he'd come down from the shower and Adam had to smile. He loved his mother to death, but she was always trying to set him up on dates. He froze in his tracks staring out the window at where his mother was standing with his dream lover, calmly chatting away. The man was leaning against the trunk of his car, hips jutting out enticingly. The clothes he wore today fit him in all the best ways. He had on a light gray button up shirt over a dark gray muscle tee that emphasized his wonderfully muscled chest and abs. The long sleeves of the over shirt were rolled up to his elbows showing off his finely toned arms, and Adam swallowed hard letting his eyes travel further down. His jeans fit snugly, low on his hips, so when he crossed his arms the shirt rode up enough so that Adam saw a sliver of his hips. They both looked up as he came outside and by the look on his mother's face he knew what she'd been doing. Talking him up to the very, _very_, hot man, who now had his hands crossed behind the back of his head. The pose left his abs exposed as well as just the very tops of his hip bones and Adam couldn't keep his eyes off of them.

"Adam, this is Dean, Dean this is my son I was just telling you about." A slow grin spread across the other man's face as he lowered his arms. Adam swallowed hard, nodding at him. "Well I'll just go get breakfast started then." His mother chirruped happily and practically danced off. Adam shook his head, the woman was a hopeless romantic and determined to find him a partner. He looked up to find Dean's eyes on him, the corner of his oh-so-kissable lips quirked up slightly.

"So, you have a pretty awesome car there Dean." The enigmatic smile grew as Dean ran a hand along the trunk.

"'67 Impala." He replied softly and Adam felt his insides melt. The man's voice sent shivers of pleasure throughout his core.

"It looks in great condition."

"She's a trooper." The man laughed softly gazing down at his car affectionately. Adam grinned then something his mother said repeated in his head.

"What was she saying about breakfast?"


	3. Fuck

Dean almost laughed at the horror on Adam's face as Dean told him that his mother had invited the young hunter for a wonderful homemade breakfast. He'd noticed the way the older man had been eyeing him, the frequent swallows and the way he kept shifting his footing gave him away. His mask was holding up wonderfully and he felt almost back into the swing of things. His eyes moved over Adam surreptitiously. The man was definitely attractive if you went for that buff soldier-boy look. He had the same blue eyes as his mother and short military standard cut black hair. He stood in the more casual form of 'at ease'. Wide stance and hands behind his back, but a sort of slouch to his shoulders that wasn't regulation. He knew all this courtesy of his father the drill sergeant. The conversation was going nowhere through no fault of Dean's.

It was obvious soldier boy hadn't been laid for a good while, his eyes wouldn't stay on Dean's face. They kept traveling down to his waist and below, which would have been frustrating if Dean could've brought himself to care. He leaned his elbows on the trunk and gazed upwards wondering idly where Caz was and what he was doing, unaware of what he himself was doing to the poor man in front of him. Adam's mother, Marion, came to the door and called for them with a large smile on her face. Dean's attention moved from the sky, to her, then to her son who's face had gone slack. His blue eyes were fixed to the front of Dean's jeans. The hunter snorted straightening and patting the man's shoulder.

"Breakfast Adam." He grinned walking past him. Adam shook himself and followed excusing himself saying something about needing some mumbled item from upstairs. Dean's grin widened as he followed Marion into her small kitchen where a large breakfast had been laid out on the table. He took the seat offered to him. It was a few minutes before Adam walked in. His mother gave him a disapproving look and admonished him for delaying breakfast. He mumbled an apology, a light blush colored his face and the back of his neck and Dean smirked. Soldier boy must seriously not be getting any if Dean could have this much of an effect on him. He wondered vaguely what the man's reactions would be if he had met him a few years ago when he wasn't… He sighed not finishing the thought. He didn't know what he was now, but it wasn't what he was before. He started when Marion spoke suddenly as she handed him a plate full of awesome smelling food.

"So, Dean, what do you do for a living?"

"I'm, uh, between jobs right now. Been doing a little hunting." His lips twisted at the half lie.

"What brings you to Lawrence?" She asked curiously. "There isn't a lot of hunting around this area."

"I'm just passing through."

"Oh?" She seemed slightly disappointed. "Where are you headed?"

"Don't know actually." He picked up a piece of bacon and ate it slowly, enjoying the pointed glares Adam was giving his mother, while simultaneously smiling at Dean, _very_ interested in the answers.

"Are you married at all?" Subtle this one was, Dean's lips twitched.

"Nope, I'm between relationships too." Adam snorted into his plate softly.

"Do you have family around here?" She was not to be deterred. Dean liked that in a woman.

"No, but I used to. I was born here."

"Oh, really?" She asked excitedly. He nodded, but didn't offer anymore information. Family was a sensitive subject for him. "What are you planning on doing, visiting any old sweethearts?"

"We moved away when I was four, right after my mom died." He focused on his plate, but he'd lost his appetite.

"Oh, I'm so sorry honey." Her hand fell on his wrist and Dean had to strain not to jerk away. The touch receded after a moment. "It must have been hard growing up without her." Dean shrugged.

"We made do." He ate another piece of bacon risking a glance up. Marion looked close to tears as she gazed at him. The pity there was more than he could handle so he looked at Adam, same eyes, same pity. Shit.

"Your father must have had a tough time raising you alone." Dean snorted shaking his head. The bitterness he felt towards his father had always been overpowered by the love and admiration he had for the man, but he wasn't in a loving mood right now.

"He was a marine, ran most of our lives like we were enlisted."

"We?"

"My brother Sam and me." His heart twisted painfully saying his brother's name.

"Where are they now?" This question came from Adam. Dean's eyes lifted to his and he took a deep breath before answering.

"My Dad died a few years ago." Adam winced while Marion gasped. "My brother; he…uh, was killed about a week ago." A wave of pain washed over him and he stood. "If you'll just excuse me, I should probably get back on the road. It was a wonderful meal." He made a quick retreat, but as he crossed the parking lot to suite 4 he felt a hand grab his arm. Before he thought about who it could be his free hand balled into a fist and he spun. He blinked in surprise as his fist collided with Adam's open palm. "Great reflexes." Dean muttered letting his hand drop.

"Yours too, although I'd love to know why your first instinct is to attack rather than pull away."

"It's usually unexpected and it gets my point across." The hunter shrugged noticing that Adam hadn't let go of his arm.

"I'm sorry, we upset you." Adam couldn't meet his eyes.

"Don't sweat it kiddo." Dean shrugged again. The taller man's eyebrow quirked up.

"Kiddo?" His grip loosened slightly on Dean's arm as his hand slid down to wrap around the younger man's wrist. "I do believe I'm older than you."

"Yeah, so?" Adam just laughed and Dean grew more uncomfortable with the hand on his wrist. Adam's thumb was softly caressing the skin there. "Look, I really should be getting back on the road."

"Why don't you stay a while?" Blue eyes dropped down, then back up to his face and Dean felt distinctly creeped out. "You said yourself that you didn't have a destination in mind."

"I-" The grip on his wrist tightened slightly.

"I could make it worth your while." Adam smiled. Dean forced a laugh and removed Adam's hand from his wrist.

"Thanks for the offer, but I really do need to get going." He turned and hurried into the suite closing the door and locking it behind him. He normally like forward people, but he wasn't really feeling in the mood to fuck someone, which was odd for him. He shook his head, entering the bathroom to pack up his shaving gear. In the living room he heard the door open then close. Instantly his gun was in hand. He left the bathroom quietly, checking every corner of the bedroom before stepping up to the door that led to the main room. The cold metal of his gun pressed against his cheek as his gaze traveled the portions of room he could see. He slowly entered the room, extending the deadly barrel. There was no one in sight and when he glanced at the door it was still locked. His brow furrowed, he had not imagined the door opening. He may be going slightly crazy but his hearing had always been super sensitive, and he trusted it way more than his eyes. Ears were harder to trick. Movement behind him, he spun quickly but found himself disarmed and pinned to the floor with Adam straddling his waist. He chuckled softly, looking up into the hungry blue eyes. "You're good, I'll give you that Hendley."

"13 years in the marines will do that to you, but then you already know about being in the marines, don't you?"

"Never served in my life." Dean grinned, he could feel a hardness in Adam's jeans that he knew was because of him.

"Really? You move like a marine."

"My father would be happy to hear that you noticed, he's been drilling that soldier crap into me since I was four. Now I suggest you get off."

"Why should I do that?"

"You're going to get hurt if you don't."

"I doubt that."

"Look Adam." Dean sighed. "If we had met a few months ago I'd be right there with you, but I really just-" Soft lips on his cut him off. He jerked in surprise, eliciting a moan from Adam, who slid his tongue between Dean's parted lips. With his wrists pinned above his head there was little he could do against the onslaught, but there was also little he wanted to do. Adam wasn't the only one who hadn't been laid in a while and the hunter's body was responding in kind. Half of him, well more than half was screaming at him to just play along, what harm could it do, but the rest of him cried out against it. The hands on his wrists tightened almost painfully and Adam ground his groin into Dean's still kissing him. The smaller man bit back a moan trying to pull away, but Adam just held him tighter and moved his hips faster. A fire lit up in Dean's crotch and he felt his heart quicken as each breath got shorter. Adam took both of his wrists in one hand and the other began a slow descent, starting at Dean's neck then ran down his chest to slide under his shirt. Dean moved into the touch. Everything Adam was doing drove his pain further and further away. He needed this. He needed to forget, if only for an hour or so. Adam broke away for air and Dean ripped his hands free, easily reversing their positions. Adam looked up at him in surprise, obviously this didn't happen often. "If you're going to fuck me, I'd rather not be on the floor." Dean panted before gripping the front of Adam's jeans, squeezing gently before standing and making his way to the bed. He heard the other man groan, then his clothes rustle as he stood. Dean stripped off his shirt as Adam came up behind him.

"You have no idea what you do to me." The taller man growled. Dean turned to him with a smirk.

"Oh, I think I do." He slid his hand down the inside of Adam's jeans and gripped his throbbing cock tightly. Adam grabbed onto his shoulders with a small whimper. "Now be a good soldier and get your clothes off." He gave two quick tugs before removing his hand. The other man scrambled to obey and Dean chuckled softly watching him lay down naked on the bed. The hunter straddled his waist still half clothed and leaned down to kiss the heavily panting man beneath him. Adam kissed back hungrily gripping the back of Dean's neck and thrusting his hips up into the rough jean material between him and what he wanted. Dean knew exactly what soldier boy wanted, and he would give it to him, but not in the way he was thinking. He pulled away from the kiss and sat back hard. Adam gasped, his whole body arching. "Stop moving and open your mouth." Adam complied with difficulty. He was so hard and Dean could feel every twitch the throbbing organ made whenever he spoke a command. Dean slipped three fingers into Adams mouth. "Now suck." The older man groaned, closing his eyes and getting to work. Dean smirked reaching down and removing the rest of his clothes before slipping between Adam's legs. He could feel the man's hot tongue wrapping around his fingers and the vibrations every one of his moans. "Stop." Adam groaned opening his mouth. Dean pressed one saliva slicked finger against the small, tight, puckered hole in front of him.

"God Dean!" Adam gasped, his hips bucking as the young hunter slid it in. "Nngh." He closed his eyes tightly as a second joined the first. "Oh sweet Jesus God!" He cried out, arching his hips as Dean slid the third and final finger in and began to move them around. Soon all Adam could do was moan as Dean stretched him. It was continuous and increasing in pitch letting Dean know how close the man was to his climax.

"Don't come yet." He pulled his fingers out quickly and jerked on Adam's cock hard. The older man yelled, hips bucking, obviously in pain, but it did the trick. "Not until I'm in, you hear me soldier?"

"Yes, Sir!" Adam gasped panting up at him. Dean smirked reaching for a bottle of lotion he'd found earlier, some of that complimentary crap all hotels gave out, but it would work for his purposes. He squirted it onto his already wet fingers then coated his own erection. He position himself and slipped in the head before putting his hands on either side of Adam then began to push in. The older man squirmed beneath him, moaning loudly and reaching up to wrap his arms around Dean's torso. "Oh, God Dean, faster." He moaned. "I want you inside me-" His breath hitched. "-all the way and-" He cut off with a small cry as Dean shoved in all the way in one fluid motion.

"Like that soldier?" Dean smirked.

"God yes, Sir." Adam's nails dug into the soft skin of Dean's back as the young hunter leaned forward. "Fuck me hard, Sir." Dean moved slowly.

"You ordering me now?" He asked gently taking Adam's lobe in his teeth.

"No sir." Adam breathed. "Please fuck me hard Dean." He whined moving his hips urgently. Dean thrust hard into him then did it again. Each movement brought a soft cry from Adam's lips that excited him. He moved faster and the cries got louder. When he increased the force Adam threw his head back and each thrust was met with a yell. "God-Dean-right there-Jesus-God-don't stop! Don't you dare fucking-" His voice cut off in a wordless scream as he came explosively. The muscles surrounding Dean's cock constricted and he thrust into the tightness biting his lip. Adam was keening beneath him clutching at his back when Dean came. They rode out the aftershocks together then laid there still interlocked gasping for air. Dean smirked down at Adam, who's eyes were closed; body shaking. Dean had just given the man what was obviously the best sex of his life. Adam's eyes opened slowly and suddenly Dean found himself on his back still buried deep in the older man. He inhaled sharply as Adam's hips moved. The horny bastard was already hard and ready to go again. As he undulated his hips, Adam leaned down and pressed his lips to Dean's.

Dean grinned around the tongue that began invading his mouth and reversed their positions. He hitched Adam up on his hips then pinned both of the older man's wrists above his head. His free hand reached down between them to wrap around Adam's cock and he began moving his tongue in and out of soldier boy's mouth, mimicking what his hand and cock were doing. Adam groaned deep in his throat then cried into Dean's mouth as he increased his movements both in speed and force. The noises he made and the way his legs wrapped around Dean's back sent rushes of pleasure straight to the hunter's own groin and he allowed himself to moan softly, which excited Adam even more. The older man came only seconds after Dean's second moan. Dean let go of the now limp organ and focused on fucking all the sense out of this man. He broke the kiss and gripped Adam's hips thrusting in with all his strength. Adam bit down on his wrist to muffle the screams of pleasure erupting from his throat. The sight triggered Dean's orgasm, but he didn't let up. Adam was going to get what he asked for and by the way he was thrashing and crying out in ecstasy he was getting just that.

"God Dean!" He gasped breathlessly clutching at anything and everything. "Don't stop, God this is perfect, and Oh-My-God!" He screamed the last word coming for the third time, it was pretty weak, but then the man must be pretty empty by now. "Ungh, don't stop Dean." He groaned. "I don't ever want this to stop." Dean grinned wolfishly and without breaking contact or ceasing his thrusts he flipped Adam onto his stomach with his knees holding his ass up then pounded into him. Adam moaned and screamed like a cheap whore, jerking at his own cock. He collapsed after the fourth one completely spent, and completely unconscious. Dean pulled out of him, took a quick shower then after leaving his number on a piece of paper, in case Adam wanted a rematch, he packed all his stuff into the Impala and drove away.


	4. Sick

Bobby Singer hadn't heard from Dean in over two months, and only once since Sam had died almost three months ago. His phone went straight to voicemail whenever Bobby called it, even the phone of John's Dean still kept. On impulse he tried Sam's phone. He inhaled sharply and gripped his phone tight as he heard a ring, then a second one. "Come on Dean." He murmured. "Pick up the goddamn phone." Suddenly the ringing stopped and Bobby heard a rough voice.

"Pretty desperate to call a dead man's phone eh Bobby?" Was that Dean? It sounded nothing like him.

"Dean?"

"You know, I'm not too sure myself some days." The voice chuckled.

"Where the hell are you?"

"Not sure really, I haven't been paying attention to the signs."

"Well pay attention now ya ijit and tell me where ya are."

"I don't think I like your tone." There was a teasing note to the rough voice that sounded more like Dean.

"Come on Dean."

"I can't-" Bobby heard a muffled choking sound and then the line went dead. His own phone fell through numb fingers. Dean. He rushed around grabbing things he'd need, but when he opened his door to leave he crashed into a very tall, very solid person. He looked up and almost passed out. Sam Winchester grabbed his arms to keep him from falling over.

"The hell are you-"

"Its me Bobby." Sam cut him off. "I don't know how, and you can do all the tests you want, but It's really me."

"He is telling the truth Robert Singer." Both hunters jumped at the third voice. Castiel stood behind them. "He is being given a second chance at life as a reward for his sacrifice." Bobby pulled Sam into a tight hug not caring that he was crying; Sam was too. Then Castiel spoke again. His words freezing Bobby's blood. "Where is Dean?"

* * *

Dean stared at the phone in his hand wondering why he kept it on, or why he kept it at all. He sighed as it began ringing again and turned it off. Bobby could wait, he had more important stuff on his hands; like the werewolf now bearing down on him. As he was lifted off his feet by powerful arms he brought his pistol around and squeezed off one shot. The werewolf dropped to the ground a silver bullet buried deep in it's heart. One down, three more to go. He brushed himself off and got moving. So many people to save and only six hours to do it in. The second and third werewolves were relatively easy to find, he just had to follow the screaming. The fourth found him. This one was a bit harder to dispatch then the others, but he came away with only a busted lip and a few bruised ribs. As he took stock of his injuries he realized those were the only ones. He grinned, who else could say they've gone up against four werewolves in one night with only a handgun and lived let alone barely get injured. He'd be sore for a week tops. He whooped climbing into the Impala and peeled out, leaving the sorry ass little town behind him. Oh wait there was the town sign and…"Little Rock?" Dean looked around, well it definitely wasn't Arkansas. He shrugged and picked up his own phone to call Bobby.

"Dean?"

"Yeah, hey Bobby is there more than one town called Little Rock?"

"How the hell should I know?"

"You've got like a map of the whole United States in that skull of yours don't ya?"

"Ha ha, listen I need you to head back here."

"Why?"

"I've got something you need to see."

"Hey Bobby?"

"Yeah?"

"Give me some time." With that Dean hung up and turned off the phone. He couldn't go back yet, couldn't face Bobby, not yet.

* * *

Bobby hung up the phone angrily. "Damn ijit." He swore walking back into the kitchen. Sam and Castiel looked up from a map laid out on the table. "What have you found?"

"Not much, there's a Little Rock in Arkansas, but it's the capital and Dean has been there so-"

"Iowa." Castiel said suddenly, his finger on the map then suddenly he was gone. A few days later Bobby's phone rang, It was their missing Angel.

"Say that again." Bobby said putting the phone on speaker.

"He has destroyed a vampire nest. A rather large one, I believe he is hunting." Sam frowned.

"I thought I told him to settle down with Lisa."

"Where was this nest?" Bobby asked going to his map. They had little pins where they knew Dean had been, like Little Rock, Iowa where he took out four werewolves, they even had a sightings of him in Missouri, Ohio, Michigan and Kansas.

"I am not sure exactly, but I am in Minnesota near a town named," There was a slight pause before he continued. "Clearbrook." Sam quickly scanned the map and pointed the small town out to Bobby. "I believe I am catching up to him, he left the town only an hour ago, headed north." There was a click signaling that Caz had hung up.

"God, I hope we find him soon." Sam sighed, leaning back in his chair.

"Me too." Bobby ran a tired hand over his face.

* * *

Dean was sick and he knew it, but he couldn't stop. He was on a single man crusade to rid the world of all evil beasties. He coughed wetly and spat out the window. Minnesota was in his rearview mirror, him having just crossed the state line into North Dakota. He had caught wind of major ghost activity in an abandoned hospital outside a town called Hope. He snickered a little glancing at the map. It was an optimistic name for a small town beleaguered by ghosts, but he guessed they had…hope, he snickered again, that someone would help them. Looking back up at the road he swore and slammed on the brakes. He leapt out of the car after putting it in park to confront the idiot standing in the road. "Are you completely insane?" He snapped then froze as the man turned to him, trench coat fluttering in the breeze. "Caz." Dean's eyes widened and he took a step back reaching for the door handle to get back in the car, but then Castiel was there, hand on his keeping him from retreating.

"I have been looking for you." He was close to Dean, too close, but then Caz had never really been big on personal space. Suddenly the Angel's brow furrowed and his free hand came up to caress Dean's feverish cheek and it was extremely hard for the hunter to not lean into the touch. "You are ill."

"I'm fine." Dean grunted, attempting to pull away, but suddenly found himself with his back pressed up against the Impala with Caz's hands roaming all over him, finding every injury and he didn't have the energy to fight anymore. His knees gave out and he collapsed against Caz wearily. The Angel's arms going around him felt like heaven. They stood like that for a few moments in silence. "Why'd you leave?" Dean murmured into the soft tan material of Caz's coat. It smelled like he remembered, the scent of snow before it fell, sweet and intoxicating.

"I had to reorder heaven, it has been in chaos since Michael-" Dean scrunched his eyes closed and shook his head. He didn't want to think about that day. That's what he'd been running from for the past month and a half. "Did you want me to stay?" Dean froze at the question softly murmured in his ear. Soft lips brushed his temple making him shiver and cling to Castiel. The Angel's arms tightened around him. "Dean, there is something I must tell you." He said hesitantly. The smaller man didn't move, but he was listening. "Sam is alive."


	5. Found

Castiel spoke the words carefully and was shocked when Dean shoved away from him snarling. "I knew this was a fucking dream, Goddammit." He swore, stumbling away. "I'd like to wake up now."

"Dean…this is not a dream."

"That's what everyone in dreams tells you." Dean pointed an angry finger at him. "I'm onto you buddy, don't think I'm going to fall for that-" He cut off in a fit of coughs, falling to his hands and knees on the rough pavement of the road. Castiel was growing more alarmed by the moment. Not only was Dean ill, but he seemed to be going insane as well. He needed to get the boy back to Sam and Bobby fast. He knelt next to the heavily wheezing hunter and reached out to him, but Dean rolled away obviously having difficulty breathing. "Back off." He hissed between short, gurgled breaths.

"Dean, you need a hospital."

"Fuck that."

"Dean please."

"No." Castiel felt anger seep into his next words.

"Dean Winchester, this is not a dream. Now stand up and come with me." Confusion flickered across the young man's face.

"It has to be." He whispered. "Sam's dead. He's gone and its all my fault." Castiel melted inside, Dean's face was so open and vulnerable, so full of pain. He swept forward wrapping his arms around the now shaking human.

"No, Dean, it was never your fault, and Sam is alive." He stroked the hunters hair as he held him tightly. "God rewarded his sacrifice granting him new life."

"Liar." Dean pushed at him weakly. "God doesn't interfere remember, he just sits on his ass while the world burns and-" Castiel cut him off with an impulsive kiss, not knowing how else to shut him up while simultaneously giving into the overwhelming urge inside of him. Dean's lips were dry and feverishly warm, and he knew he shouldn't be doing this with the boy being in the condition that he was, but he had been waiting for until he knew how Dean felt about him. He still didn't know and was shocked when Dean grabbed him tighter and kissed back, opening his mouth to Castiel's questioning tongue. Even more so when the hunter moved so that he was straddling his lap. Dean's breath quickened making a noise in his chest that caused Castiel to pull away quickly and stare into his fever ridden green eyes.

"I need to get you to a hospital." Dean snickered.

"I was kinda on my way to one. How do you feel about ghost doctors?" Castiel sighed.

"You are not going on a hunt." He stood lifting Dean so that he was carrying him.

"Don't forget the Impala." Dean murmured against his chest. The Angel sighed putting a hand on the hood of the gently purring vehicle.

"Jesus!" Sam yelped falling off his chair as Dean's black Chevy Impala appeared out of nowhere in Bobby's driveway. He looked up to see Caz standing next to it practically carrying Dean in one arm. "Dean!" He shot off the porch.

"Careful." Castiel said quietly. "He believes that he is dreaming." His brow furrowed. "He is also very ill."

"Dean never gets sick." He gasped as he took Dean into his arms. His older brother was only a shadow of his former self. His clothes were dirty. His face had about a week of growth on it and his hair was crusted with dirt and blood, hopefully not his own, not to mention the longest he'd ever seen it. He obviously hadn't been eating enough seeing as his body was much lighter and could only be described as gaunt with his sunken cheeks and hollowed eyes. His skin was a pasty white color yet burning with fever, and Sam wanted to cry hearing the man he'd idled his whole life breathe in short gurgled gasps.

"His mind is unwell Sam." Castiel added gravely.

"Can't you fix him?" Sam looked up at him with watery eyes, but the Angel shook his head.

"He needs a hospital Sam."

"He hates hospitals."

"Doesn't matter what he likes." Bobby snapped walking up. "He's a damn fool, now either fly him there Castiel or put him in my truck Sam." Caz automatically took Dean from Sam and disappeared leaving the two stunned hunters to scramble for Bobby's truck.

* * *

Castiel never left Dean's side as he lay there in the hospital bed looking like death and wished he had never left. A lot of this was his fault and he knew it. He'd left Dean alone in that cemetery knowing how the young hunter felt, knowing what he wanted to say but couldn't because Dean Winchester never asked for help or comfort. The doctors were cautiously hopeful that he'd make a full recovery. Not only did he have pneumonia in both lungs and a fever nearing 110 degrees his body was covered in injuries. Three bruised ribs, a deep cut on his shoulder, claw marks across his back and a deep gash across his chest that he had attempted to stitch himself, and various other bumps, cuts, and bruises one always received in a tussle. The cuts on his shoulder and chest were infected so badly the skin around them had begun to turn green. Sam had been horrified listening to the doctors, Castiel was just glad that it wasn't worse and that they had found him, because the doctors said that he would have been dead in two days without medical attention. He reached over, slipping his hand into Dean's cold, pale one and sighed caressing the back of it with his thumb. Dean had been asleep for closing in on a week. He wasn't in a coma though, the doctors said, he was suffering from exhaustion, dehydration, and malnutrition.

"Idiot child." Castiel murmured softly brushing hair out of Dean's face. The length was attractive on him, softening his features more than the military cut he'd had before. It was nowhere near as long as Sam's, which was good, but it was long enough to hang in his face and brush his ears. Suddenly Dean squeezed his hand, moaning in fear.

"Don't go Caz." He whispered through dry lips. "Please don't go." Tears welled in Castiel's eyes and he leaned forward brushing his lips to Dean's.

"I'm not going anywhere Dean, I promise." He murmured softly, stroking Dean's hair. Slowly Dean began to relax and his breathing evened out, but his hand remained tightly wrapped around the Angel's.

* * *

Dean opened his eyes groggily. Where the hell was he-oh…a hospital. "Son of a bitch." He muttered looking around. His eyes froze on Castiel, who sat on a chair next to his bed holding his hand.

"Dean." A voice at the door startled him and when he looked he stopped breathing. Sam, his Sammy, stood in the doorway carrying two cups of coffee. He was still dreaming, but Sammy was there, coffee abandoned on a counter and his arms were wrapping around Dean's neck, but he couldn't move. This wasn't possible. Castiel's hand squeezed his.

"You are not dreaming Dean." He said quietly. "Sam is truly here, alive, as a reward for all that the two of you have done." Dean stared at him, not really comprehending the words coming out of his mouth.

"You fucking idiot." Sam snapped hitting his good shoulder as he stood. "You were not keeping your promise." Dean turned dead eyes on him.

"It was a stupid promise anyway." He shrugged. "And I was keeping it, well half anyway."

"You ignored the half I was serious about,. Dean I wanted you to go back to Lisa and live the life you always wanted."

"Yeah, well Sam, the life I always wanted had _you _in it." Dean snarled angrily. Sam took a step back in shock while Castiel's hand on his tightened. "Besides." He said calming down slightly. "I was doing just fine." His brother snorted.

"Yeah, sure you were. That's why you're in the hospital with pneumonia, a fever that could kill you, rotten, infected wounds, exhaustion because you obviously haven't been sleeping, not to mention eating or drinking. The doctor said you would have been dead in two days if Castiel hadn't found you and brought you to the hospital." Dean blinked, really? He looked down at the bandages on his chest. They were fine yesterday, wait…

"What day is it?"

"Saturday."

"The date retard." Dean sighed, loving the look of irritation Sam shot him.

"August 10th."

"Shit." The last day he remembered changing the bandage was July 30th.

"You have been asleep for six days." Castiel supplied, anticipating his next question. So he hadn't changed it for four days before Caz had found him.

"How _did_ you find me anyway?"

"I followed you from the werewolves in Little Rock."

"_That's_ another thing!" Sam snapped. "What were you thinking taking on a group of werewolves."

"I barely got a scratch from them, it's the vampires that did me in, or maybe it was the poltergeist." He frowned. He'd been nonstop hunting since he'd come to his senses in Lawrence; courtesy of one Adam Hendley, who still called him every once in a while asking him to come back for a visit, which would have been worrisome if Adam was a girl which he _definitely_ was not, so he wrote it up to best sex-in-his-life-so-he-wants-more kind of thing and the way he'd been screaming it was definitely the best. He smiled to himself before realizing that Sam was talking to him. "What?"

"God!" Sam through his hands in the air. "Have you been listening to anything I said?"

"Was it a lecture on how reckless I am?"

"Yeah, but-"

"Pff, heard it all before." Dean waved a dismissive hand. "Besides it could have been worse."

"I don't see how, Dean."

"That's cuz you're a pessimist." Sam blinked at him the erupted into laughter. Dean grinned sneaking a glance at Caz, who's lips were turned up in the ghost of a smile as he watched the two brothers.

"God, Dean." Sam laughed, holding his sides and collapsing into a chair.

"I'm right and you know it Sammy boy."

"Jerk." Dean's grin widened.

"Bitch."


End file.
